Big Drunk Satanic Massacre (Steam) review – NSFW

Big Drunk Satanic Massacre (BDSM,) is an overhead shooter that is a little bit in the style of Gauntlet (for you old fogies out there.) Well, Gauntlet if it included foul language, machine guns, prostitutes, and “MILK”. It’s available for Steam and a couple of other platforms.

Image result for big drunk satanic massacre doom
Yes, they’re copying the WooD logo

Going to put this out that some of the images and content below are not safe for work and I’m tagging the review as such. I’m also going to mention although I did enjoy some things in the game the review is generally not glowing.

I’d intended to do this review a bit ago, but the Steam version got delayed and so did I.

Let’s start right off, this game ticked me off because I was playing the intro/beta and it appears to have lost all my progress in the upgrade… I know, boo hoo me, but as such the screenshots are from the beginning of the game again as I don’t have time to play back through.

To give you an idea of how they’re trying to appeal to you, the Steam page for the adult DLC (which is free after purchase of the game and should just be a checkbox but it’s not,) includes video of a topless woman (Katrin Tequila,) being overly amused by the game, every encounter in the game with a female leads to some sex-for-prize game, eh, it’s hell but it feels like it’s just for the benefit of 15 year olds who wanted a little more than the Hot Coffee sidegame from GTA.

This may read like I’m bashing it, I’m not. I mean the statement is true, but I don’t hate the game for what it’s attempting to be. I’m just not excited by it.

The main character appears designed to be a cruder version of Hellboy, and to tick off each checkbox in the WTF checklist, and that’s its thing. So yeah. Sarcasm, crudeness, demonic, highly sexual for no real reason, and a couple of funny jokes thrown in. I’ll stress the “couple” of jokes thrown in as I only recall being amused by a couple of things.

The adult content also theoretically require you to be 18+, but honestly I think I’d outgrown finding this either titillating or edgy by about 15.

OK, old man rant over, off my lawn you will get, the gameplay is somewhat engaging; the story, not so much. The graphics are nice and they’re really good when something actually happens. They did put in work at a lot of levels, just sort of in the wrong places.

The game suffers from monotonous rail rooms (one door closes, another opens,) at least what I managed to get through before losing progress (which really, I was playing a beta so I’m not going to harp on that – this is just a my bad luck trombone).

You know, squeeze it because that makes sense. Huh huh, squeeze the boob Butthead

You go room to room, complete side quests, screw various people you meet, shoot the others to extra death, and there’s a story in there I’ve almost forgotten involving demons being turned into hamburgers.

Room to room, slightly better gun to slightly better gun, larger and more powerful demons, upgrade yourself for a slightly stronger character, several guys I’m pretty sure are from DooM, and a supposedly sarcastic main character that might have gotten a grin from some of the commentary the first run through I did but falls on an emotionally dead reviewer this time.

So no, the funny thing here is she’s auditioning for a movie and just screaming the line. You “rescue” her by slaughtering her captors, she rewards you with sex, and then

Eh, side quests – meh. One of the interactions she wants to marry you, one she sends you to kill her stalker. There are more examples like this later on, but as mentioned, I lost my save to beta.

Oh yeah, as a note she yells that line about being forced to engage once and then they all stand around doing nothing. Sit around, watch, nope, nothing happening. Open the door and start a fight.

Most of the fights in the game are spent running backward away from monsters and shooting them as they come at you. Bullets and beams go through your enemies, there’s no slowing factor so even though a shotgun blasts a demon apart it doesn’t appear to have any effect other than blood splatter.

Everything attacks and comes right at you, nothing seems to hide, nothing attacking you seems to plan. It’s just keep running away and shooting. Occasionally use your rage or a special item/spell. Occasionally dash through a hoard of demons. Hitting something in the face with a shotgun doesn’t push it back.

Your dashes go right through enemies, they never slow you or impede your dash even if you don’t explode them. Step on a stick that impaled you? Glide right on through it.

There’s no defense, just move move move, and you’re moving at the same pace you walk at unless you dash. Kill things fast from a distance or they’re on you. The bosses are just large puddles of slower moving bullet jello… you shoot them, they shoot at you, it’s rendered very well and looks cool, but they’re once again not particularly stunning.

I think games have to have something to lose, there’s got to be a reason for the character to be out killing, there’s got to be a goal. When you’ve got a heavily armed character who just goes from room to room killing and “killing” things for whatever quest we’re on at the moment and there’s not a driving reason to get to it it falls apart.

The reason is explained once in a video, you walk through a room of demon meat, and then you play for another two hours with no mention of demon burgers if I remember correctly, my first play was long ago. I mean there’s some images, some rooms of meat processing, but meh.

The victims of the massacre are the demons and if that doesn’t not quite work for you welcome to the club.

Oh hey, demons are being turned into hamburger… let’s get on a side quest to rescue and screw a succubus and then find her boyfriend/stalker/manager and kill him.

My problem with this game is not that it’s bad, but that it’s a bit bland and underdeveloped. The sexual situation are absurd, and not in a funny or particularly amusing way. They’re generally unneeded, and uninteresting. Oh look, there are demon boobs. Mehyaymeh. Use W, S, and E to gyrate and cause the sexing to happen – ooooh… so the hot. This is the hot right Robin? You get a card with some boobs on it.

This is a game I’d plunk down about $8 to play and I’d walk away feeling like I did ok and didn’t get hosed, but at $19.99 on Steam and $29.99 on Switch no.


I’m also going to post-script this with that if I come across as judgy above, I’m not. There are games with sexual situations I’ve loved, there are games with demons and porn stars I’ve enjoyed, and there are jello shooters that I’m fine with.

This wasn’t for me, I think there’ve been plenty of games that combine the elements better. It’s not a bad game, it’s just not a great or amusing one in my opinion. Also while I mentioned I was annoyed at losing my progress, I got some quick lessons in BDSM’s replay value.


I find a lot of fault, but let’s talk about how to take this from a meh to great without a complete overhaul.

First, the WASD controls are not particularly useful as you just are walking in any of 8 directions at the same rate. Speed modifier needs in there. Maybe it is with a controller – I really need to check that part out.

More commentary. Sit down for 30 minutes record a bunch of random audio and play it occasionally. There’s just not enough.

Feeling like the attackers aren’t paper – I get mobbed by a bunch of enemies, push me back. I step on a stake, stop me. I hit someone in the face with a shotgun, knock them down or back.

If it’s going to be sarcastic, take it to the next level. I realize the game was written in another language, so perhaps translation has suffered. Find someone under 25 that looks like Wednesday Adams and have them rewrite the dialogue – especially the multi-character interactions.

If you’re in hell, I don’t know, maybe fight humans on a regular basis or something? Why are all the demons constantly attacking the son of Satan? Seems like that might be a bad career move.

Big Drunk Satanic Massacre is so close to being enjoyable that I feel like it’s worth paying attention to further developments. Here’s hoping.

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Paul E King

Paul King started with GoodAndEVO in 2011, which merged with Pocketables, and as of 2018 he's evidently the owner. He lives in Nashville, works at a film production company, is married with two kids. Facebook | Google+ | Twitter | Donate | More posts by Paul | Subscribe to Paul's posts