Last-second holiday survival checklist

  1. You’re headed to grandma’s, go to Google Maps and download the entire area maps for offline use because you know how bad the internet sucks there.
  2. As the internet sucks there download a couple of movies to watch when inevitably you’re awake and everyone’s passed out, there’s going to be something to do. That or your kids will have something to do other than asking when can you leave.
  3. Bring a portable charger. Photos and videos take a lot of juice. Especially if you forget to tell your phone to not sync photos.
  4. Charge your earphones, earbuds, etc.
  5. Turn off auto-update apps. The holidays are the best time to release buggy updates and there’s no rolling back until the developer manages to extract themselves from a week long vacation.
  6. Bring a book. Your phone’s going to die.
  7. Turn on two-factor authentication on everything important.
  8. If you have the option to use recovery codes, place a list of them somewhere you can access in the event of an emergency.
  9. If you can, freeze any credit cards you’re not using.
  10. Realize your family does not have to define you.
  11. If you don’t know your limit, grab an app for that. Don’t get on the roads tipsy.
  12. Remember that those who only help others over the holidays and let you know about it are probably not living the life they should.
  13. Your bank account and gifts do not define you. It’s ok to tell people you don’t want anything for whatever holiday it is. It’s ok to tell people you love them but to not give or expect anything.
  14. Whiskey straight, 3 ice cubes. It will clear the sinuses up long enough for you to pass out.
  15. Ibuprofen, aspirin, naproxen reduces inflammation in nasal passages. Inflamed nose = running nose or hard to breathe.
  16. Start your antihistamines for grandma’s cat. You’re going to need a couple of days lead time.
  17. These deals that are insane this week will be the normal price soon enough.
  18. The phrase “do you want to have a good holiday with family you’re not going to see for several months, or do you want to talk about what your news channel says is the truth?” is copyright (c) 2019 Pocketables, Inc. All rights reserved.
  19. Remember that some people use their phones to be connected to those they love before judging what they’re using it for. I mean if it’s Angry Birds and it’s 2019 go ahead and judge. Seriously, time done… even with two movies.
  20. Listen to the song “let it go” on repeat before talking with your cousins. Should the message not work, remember punching someone in the throat can kill them. Don’t aim there. Alternately purchase their kids a Frozen recorder and songbook. Revenge can come later.
  21. Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
  22. A dry Christmas Tree that catches fire can take out a room in about 40 seconds. Know where that fire extinguisher is.
  23. If you hate and dread the holidays, there’s a reason. Take care of yourself.
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Paul E King

Paul King started with GoodAndEVO in 2011, which merged with Pocketables, and as of 2018 he's evidently the owner. He lives in Nashville, works at a film production company, is married with two kids. Facebook | Google+ | Twitter | Donate | More posts by Paul | Subscribe to Paul's posts